4 Facebook Games to Avoid Like The Plague « Desktop Diva: Tips, tools and tomfoolery for women who work

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4 Facebook Games to Avoid Like The Plague

October 10, 2010

Yeah, yeah I know, it’s been ages since my last blog post. Blame Cafe World and a few other evil Facebook games. I was sucked in a few months ago and have just recently climbed out of the abyss of addiction. Damn you Zynga!! *shakes fist*

And so… as part of my 12-step process to recovery (the first 6 steps were 1. Stop Playing! 2. Stop Playing! 3. Stop Playing! 4. Stop Playing! 5. Stop Playing! 6. WORK, dammit!!!) I’ve decided to write a blog post to save the yet-untainted from the same experience.

Mind you, there are a whole lot of other Facebook games you should avoid if you ever want to show your face in normal productive society ever again, but here are four of the most popular (and therefore eeeeeeevil) ones :

1. Farmville

I’m rather proud to say that even at the lowest point of my Facebook game addiction, I was able to stay away from Farmville — though I have to admit it was a matter of pride more than anything else. I’d spent too much time pre-FBGA (that’s Facebook Game Addiction… keep up, folks) poking fun at Farmville freaks, and I just couldn’t back down. And it helped a lot, to have that to lean on when my family and friends attempted FBGA interventions… “Hey! Back down! At least I’m not playing FARMVILLE!”

How it Basically Works: Plant crops to make money and decorate your farm.

Why you should avoid it: Apparently millions of people have a secret desire to live a simple rural life and just farm all day, so it’s highly addicting. Also (more importantly) it’s just NOT COOL. If you don’t believe me, watch this video:

2. Frontierville

Frontierville, as far as I’m concerned, is “Farmville 2.0 - The More Complicated Edition, Set in the Wild West.” So you’re basically still a Farmer, but you’re also a PIONEER. Yee-friggin-haw.

How It Basically Works: “Carve out a home in the wilderness and raise a family. There may be bears and snakes, but there’s gold too, and your fellow pioneers are there to help!” - Zynga

You still have to plant crops (yay, farming!) but the game also includes building homesteads and cities, clobbering animals, bringing a spouse out West, and a whole lot of other things you have to bug other people to help you with.

Why You Should Avoid It: Same reasons as Farmville. Don’t kid yourself.

3. Mafia Wars

So you’d think that a game about the MAFIA would be a hell of a lot cooler than the first two, right? (I’m no FARMER, I’m in the freakin’ Facebook MAFIA! Yeah! *fistbump* *blow smoke off imaginary gun*) Okay… seriously … NOT THE CASE.

How it Basically Works: “Build alliances, amass property, and fight mobs of enemies in games of power and deception.” - Zynga

Yeah. All this… by clicking your mouse to move a line along til the goal is complete. No shooting games, no explosions, nothing like that. Just clicking. And watching that line inch along.

Why You Should Avoid It: Clicking?? Line-watching?? Really?? If you want to be all badass and play a Mafia game, there are tons of others where you at least get to acually shoot people and blow things up to satisfy your bloodlust.

4. Cafe World

And here endeth the vitriol, to be replaced by utter and abject shame. Ah, Cafe World. My Waterloo.

How it Basically Works: Cook and serve up dishes to earn money and decorate your Cafe.

Why You Should Avoid It: Yeah, yeah, so it pains me to say this, but I am after all trying to stay on the wagon, so I must… This game is like CRACK! Maybe it’s because I love food so much? I don’t know. It’s possible. Probable, even.

But aside from that it’s also a MAJOR productivity-killer. Aside from cooking and decorating, there’s catering, collaborating with others to reach time-bound goals and build snazzy gadgets and o.m.g… you’ll find you can barely keep up with your Cafe tasks… much less your ACTUAL JOB.

So who knew that planting crops and clicking stoves could become the equivalent of heroin? Well, apparently Zynga did. (eeeevil, I tell you.) According to an article in SFWeekly.com…

Gameplay in FarmVille, FishVille, or Café World is based almost exclusively on what social-game designers call a “compulsion loop.” Players perform basic tasks — clicking on crops to harvest them, clicking on stoves in restaurants, clicking on fish to feed them — earn fake money, enhance their farm or restaurant or aquarium, and repeat. In Zynga’s hands, the art of snaring users with such gimmickry has become, quite literally, a science: Pincus told Time magazine last year that Zynga employs a behavioral psychologist.

The article, entitled “FarmVillains” is a pretty interesting read if, like me, you need an extra boost to help you fight FBGA, so if you’d like to read the rest, here ya go.

As for me, well, I don’t know if I’m willing to totally give up my little Cafe (care to friend me and cook together? … I kid, I kid) but I think I’m about ready to get back into the real world again, and getting my blog back in action is one step in the right direction. Still not as productive as ACTUALLY WORKING, but.. well.. baby steps.

p.s. Cooking is cooler than farming. (I just had to say it.)

Posted by desktopdiva at 8:24 am | permalink

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